My Day Off

Yesterday was my day off. I’m lucky enough to live a blessed life. I only “work” four days a week, and even then only six hours a day. To be fair, it’s not actually work since I don’t get paid. On the other hand, since I’m currently living at home, I don’t actually need to buy anything, and since despite being over-educated as I am, couldn’t find a respectable job shelving things or distributing fast food, I was able to enjoy my Tuesday in the typical way.

                I woke up at 11:30 am. I decided to go for a run. To be clear, I didn’t go for a run, but somehow deciding to made me feel better about myself. Instead, I went downstairs to start my day. After grabbing a sweet and salty nut bar for “breakfast,” and availing myself of all the Royal Baby news I could get. For those of you who have been legally dead for the last week, a woman who happened to marry a man whose grandmother is the figurehead monarch of a country we aren’t a part of had a baby. Although technically, Grenada is a British protectorate, so it’s very possible my knowledge of the Royal birth could come in handy.

                After that, I accomplished one small thing. For the unemployed twenty-something, this is quite possibly the best sociocultural phenomenon ever created. If you accomplish “one small thing”, then ipso facto, your day magically transforms itself from “wasted” to “productive.” I filled out the health form for St. Georges. To be honest, It was supposedly due 24 days ago. Also, its been sitting on my bureau along with my test results for the past week. But after five minutes of filling out health history, and a brief google to find out how old my dad is (I thought he was born in 1963, not 1961), I was ready to have it faxed over to SGU. Not that I was going to fax it. I’m not even sure how a fax machine works. I know that there’s a telephone attached. Other than that, however, I’m entirely clueless.

                Having finished my “work” for the day, I could settle down to an afternoon of Netflix without feeling guilty. A few hours of this went by quickly. A sudden burst of productivity followed lunch, probably the sugar rush from the “lemonade” I made. (I only used one spoonful of sugar. Unfortunately, it was a serving spoon.) I measured the suitcase I’m planning on bringing down to school. After satisfying myself that it would fit the size requirements I emptied it of the things currently in it (largely books and clothes from undergrad that I hadn’t gotten around to unpacking) by throwing those things I might bring to Grenada in one pile on the floor, and those that wouldn’t make the trip in another. Now on a roll, I did the same for my closet. Having made a huge mess of things, I got bored and went downstairs to watch TV.

                I did eventually run after dinner. I finished a 5K. Sloppy Joes are not an ideal pre-run food. I ran the whole distance without stopping. My summer goal of dropping 15 pounds may not be going especially well—I’ve lost negative three pounds—but at least I’m in slightly better shape.

                After all, it’s the small things that matter in life. Getting my relaxation in now is probably for the best. I probably won’t rest for the next four years. 

Goals

It’s difficult to succeed at anything without an idea of the endgame. I found myself falling behind in undergrad when the goals were hazy. In order to prevent that from happening again, here’s a list of my goals (large and small) for the first semester of medical school.

• Study hard- After taking a self-assessment for Biochemistry I can say with a fair amount of confidence that I have retained almost none of the knowledge I tried to acquire over the past four years. The only way to fix that is to work hard and focus on internalizing all the information I can in the next four months. My goal is to get an A in each of the three classes I’ll be taking- not an easy goal, but one worth undertaking
• Stay in shape- a recent physical saw me hitting 231 pounds, some of which is muscle but not nearly enough. I know it’s too easy to stop taking care of myself in stressful situations. Late night “study food” is going to look amazing pretty much every night. I’ve been running three times a week and trying to cut down on useless calories at home. When I get to school I need to figure out a way to make myself healthy, inexpensive food and keep active. My goal is to return to my fall season playing weight of 215 pounds.
• Be social- Making new friends isn’t exactly my wheelhouse. I’m not amazing at adapting to change, but I’d like to at the very least have a good relationship with my roommate, and classmates. Freshman year of college didn’t really work out super well for me roommate-wise. My goal is to reach out to the person I’m rooming with.
• Play Rugby- I know that a full-fledged club is out of the question on the island of greneda, where Rugby isn’t popular. I’ve seen that there are some pickup gams going on some weekends, and I’d like to do my best to play in those. My goal is to work on my fitness, passing, kicking, and ball carrying so when I return to the US I can play for a Men’s club either as a loose forward or a back.
• Don’t forget Anthropology- I may not be going to graduate school in the field, but I don’t want to entirely stop learning. I’ve noticed that there some medically oriented anthropological research projects going on at St. George’s. My goal is to involve myself at some point in research.
• Study Abroad- Just by showing up to class on the first day I will have achieved my goal. I always wanted to study abroad in college but never could for a variety of reasons. It will be an amazing experience to see what live is like in a foreign country, one that I’m sure will expand my understanding of the world. My goal is to study and live abroad.
• Appreciate what I have- Studying medicine in Grenada will give me the chance to better understand and appreciate how fortunate I am to have grown up in a country like the US, with almost unlimited resources. My goal is to learn not to take those blessings for granted.
• Have fun- Going to medical school will be an ordeal, but also the fulfillment of one of my life’s goals. I’m not expecting it to be easy, but I also don’t want to be miserable during the experience. I’m lucky enough to be learning medicine at an excellent school set in a lush tropical paradise. My goal is to enjoy my first semester in medical school. 

The Leap

30 days to go

                There is (or was) at my old highschool an adventure ropes course. One of the requirements to pass physical education was to make the trek across the parking lot and, in small groups work your way from the small elements on the ground to the bridges soaring 30 feet above, hanging in the trees in a vaguely threatening and exciting way. At fifteen years old, and scared to death of heights, I climbed my way up the iron rungs that had been nailed into a tree that looked frighteningly thin to be supporting my hundred and eighty pounds, not to mention the square wooden platform I was gradually, hesitatingly, making my way toward. When I reached the top, I stayed for a moment on all fours, working up the nerve to stand. The harness, connected tenuously to a thin strand of rope was tight, and the crouching position I had willed myself into made the thick woven straps dig into my legs, cutting off my circulation. 

                I pulled myself up using the trunk of the tree as a crutch, and felt the lump in my nervous teenage stomach drop a little lower as I felt the platform sway, ever so slightly. Human beings, I thought to myself, whatever our ancestry, do not belong in trees. I surveyed the course ahead. The course was composed of four platforms suspended in the trees in a straight line. They hung from the thick branches, suspended by a rope at each corner, so that even in the light spring breeze that was rapidly cooling the sweat gathering on my brow, they swung ever so slightly. The platforms were about five feet apart from each other and the end of the course, but to my mind the gaps stretched to five times that distance. The object, seemingly insane as it was, was to hurl yourself from the relative safety of the first stationary platform out into the void, landing on the nearest swinging one. This horrifying process needed to be repeated four additional times until you arrived at the final platform, this one stationary, and climbed your way down to the waiting ground.

                Egged on by the impatient gym teacher responsible for the safety rope currently connected to the harness at my waist, I inched forward on the first platform. Steeling myself, I looked out to the first swing, shut my eyes and expelled the breath I had unconsciously been holding in. I opened my eyes and took another deep breath. In through the mouth. Out through the nose. I breathed a quiet prayer, and without looking down, darted forward and threw myself into the abyss.

                I leave for Grenada in one month. It seems too short. Or too long. It’s hard to tell these days, because I’m vacillating between extremes of panic and excitement. On the one hand, excited and impatient, to paraphrase Colin Hay (via Scrubs of course) for my real professional life to begin. On the other hand, the island of Grenada is a big unknown for a New Jersey boy who’s never been out of the country (unless you count Canada, and for some reason, no one ever seems to). Fear of the unknown is the root cause of most of the anxious questions filling your head at two a.m.: Can I compete with other students? Will I make friends? What if there’s a mistake and I’m not registered for housing? Will I adjust to island life?

                The answer to all of these questions, of course, is to go back to sleep. No sense worrying when I’ll find the answers in a month. No sense missing out on the precious few hours of rest I had before the alarm went off at 6:30. No sense stressing over what I could not fix.

                I like to think of myself at 22 as relatively courageous. A huge part of playing rugby is letting go of your fear. I usually don’t watch horror movies, because I prefer comedies, but when I do I generally don’t find myself that afraid. The dark doesn’t harbor any monsters. Snakes still cause me to instinctually jump and cringe, but nothing else does.

                I’m hard pressed to explain, then, why the next four years scare me so much. Maybe it’s because it’s the end-game. There are no more buffers, no more room for error. I can’t use the excuses that carried me through my first year of college anymore. But it’s more than just academic anxiety. I know that with hard work, I can get the grades I need to graduate, the grades I need to ensure a good residency placement.

                Everyone has told me how lucky I am to be studying in the Caribbean. A beautiful setting for a great education. Sandy beaches and clear blue water. Being away from Kayleigh will be tough, but it will only be a few months before she’ll join me there.

                As a scientist, I’ve learned that knowledge and evidence are everything. A decision made in the absence of evidence won’t be a good one. It’s hard to take on this new chapter in my life with so few answers. I can’t see what’s ahead. Life is like that sometimes. No matter how much prepare, sometimes the future is a blurry, fuzzy, unknowable thing filled with uneven terrain and missing the steady safety of solid ground.

                I stood (and stand) on the relatively solid, safe platform, and all I can see ahead is a chaotic and constantly shifting series of landings between myself and my goal. Fear doesn’t matter here. As I take that first running step and fling myself out between the trees, I can look down in that split second and see the people below, friends who helped me climb up the tree and convinced me to make the leap. Some of them have already been across.

                My fifteen-year-old self landed easily on that first platform. And the second, and the third and fourth. Today, thirty days away from another leap, I think about how it felt to land on the shifting wood of that first platform. How at first I was filled with fear, and how I realized, only after I had already done it, that I could.

                I leave for Grenada in thirty days. A leap to a platform 2100 miles away with almost no knowledge of what I will find when I land on the other side. I’m full of questions that have no answers. But when the flight takes off, and I glance down at the airport below, and the people who have brought me to that moment, I will think back to that first leap, filling my head not with the blind terror at the start, but the elation of safe landings. I know I will arrive on the other side stronger and smarter and more prepared for the future.

                After all, I’ve already done it once. 

A Brief Series of Open Letters

The internet is a beautiful, wonderful place where someone with no knowledge or information can spout baseless opinions while pretending they are valid conclusions[i]. For example, were you aware that Dolphins have seventeen different mating calls?[ii] As part of an idea I came up with less than a minute ago[iii], I’d like to present this brief collection of open letters to three ridiculous things I discovered on my trip from New Hampshire to New Jersey.

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Dear NBC,

I am happy to see you have persisted in filming and airing more segments in the series “the more you know.” For your viewers convenience, I would suggest a simple coding system to help interested TV-buffs keep them organized.

•           Things that are obvious to all excluding concussed two year olds. This is a good one because it can be used on 75% of them! Surprisingly, I was aware that standing up burns more calories than sitting down. (Thanks, Allison Sweeny!) I would suggest a picture of a dunce cap, potentially on the head of whomever[iv] green-lighted “Camp.[v]”
•      Uncomfortable dialogue. Please for warn me that there will be awful puns or half-hearted references to a show an actor was in. Also, stop doing this with shows I haven’t seen. I don’t like missing references, It makes me feel dumb.
•      Extremely forced PSAs from actors who just don’t want to be there. This might be the easiest category.

I am sure that with these simple labels we can all get back to doing what we love best. Watching Parks and Recreation to fill the empty hours between dinner and bedtime.

Sincerely,

John Rizzoli & Bethany Isles[vi]

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Dear US Government,

            My Federal Loan interest rates are too goddamn high.[vii] Seriously, its’ like you don’t want me to go to graduate school. I mean, I totally appreciate the money now. And it’s super cool of y’all to just give it to me like that. But what’s with paying back so much. I hope you know that at this rate, I won’t be able to afford basic necessities, like that Ferrari or the third house[viii].

            Rich (and Future Rich[ix]) people are always getting the shaft in America. It’s like I have all this money now, why should I pay more than a poor person? Besides they have plenty of extra money to pay for their own healthcare and education, right?

Sincerely,

Remy Buxaplenty[x]

P.S. That being said, I’m voting Democratic. Because I have moral values[xi].

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Dear New Hampshire,

            Just who do you think you are? Please stop being so far from New Jersey[xii]. That, frankly is bullshit.

Love,

Aaron

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[i] See? Doesn’t this look way more legit?

[ii] Probably not. Either way, not true.

[iii] While pooping. Sorry.

[iv] Not the correct usage of “whom”, but sounds way more official.

[v] A summer camp for kids AND parents? Isn’t camp where parents send their children so they can spend less time together? Also I haven’t watched this show.

[vi]  I don’t know if these are their actual names. Also I’m not sure if this show is on NBC.

[vii] I miss “too goddamn high” guy memes

[viii] That’s right, Department of Education. You’ve made me third-homeless.

[ix] Currently poor

[x] Lol references are fun

[xi] Until the minute my salary hits $250,000 a year. Then I’m all for tax breaks for the insanely wealthy.

[xii] This doesn’t mean you’re off the hook, New Jersey. The only reason you’re not getting a letter is I went to a New Jersey Public school, and I’m not entirely sure you can read.

The Bucket List

This actually started as a date idea back when Kayleigh and I were super poor college undergrads. (Now we’re super poor college graduates). Go to a coffee shop, and each take a pile of napkins. Each of you rights down five things you want to do in five years, five in 10 years and 5 in 15 years. Then you compare what you have and make one list for the two of you. Next, we took our best ideas and wrote them out on small cut out pieces of colored scrapbook paper and made a collage.

                A bucket list is made up of the things you want to do before you “kick the bucket.” Here’s (an abbreviated version of mine).

In 5 years;

1)      Marry Kayleigh- this one needs very little explanation, She’s amazing and perfect and wonderful and the love of my life.

2)      Get a Residency in Surgery- I’d like to be in a more urban area (maybe NYC?) but it depends on Kayleigh’s grad school plans. I’d love to work in a public hospital.

3)      Travel to Europe- I’ve never been, and the window in which I’ll be young enough to backpack is closing rapidly. My knees already hurt at the end of the day, I’m getting too old too quickly.

4)      Play Rugby for a Men’s Team- I won’t be able to play for a Men’s club while at SGU; my goal is to stay in good enough shape that when I return to the US, I can join a more casual division two or three team. We played a division three team at the end of my college season and while they were good, I think that I could easily play for their second or third XV.

5)      Have a family- I’d like to have a baby before 5 years (although it’s really not my decision). I’m not sure on the name, and I don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl; as long as it has ten fingers and toes and is healthy.

In 10 years

1)      Buy a car- nothing too fancy, but I do have a flashy showoff side. Maybe a convertible?  I love the idea of having a practical car as well as one that no one in their right mind would actually need.

2)      Buy first house- I’ll be 32 in 10 years and will have been pulling down some serious doctor money. My dream house doesn’t need to be huge, but I’d like a large, gourmet kitchen, a hot tub, and (see #3).

3)      A pool, with a real palm tree- I was born in New Jersey, I spent my college years in New England, and while I’ll be enjoying paradise for the next two, I know I’ll be in the northeast for good. I want a heated pool (I hate freezing cold pools) with a real, live palm tree growing next to it. I’m not sure that palm trees can live in this climate, but if they can grow an ear on the back of a mouse, they can grow a palm tree in New England.

4)      Have a family- Ideally, I’d like an even number of kids. Obviously, so they have even teams when they play games. I was one of three. There were many conflicts that could have been resolved that way.

5)      Visit New Zealand- New Zealand is a land of unparalleled beauty, Rugby is the national sport, and puns reign supreme. (National Rugby Team is the “All Blacks.” The youth Rugby team, the “Small Blacks”, the national basketball team? The “Tall Blacks.”)

In 15 years

1)      Have an established Practice- I’d like to either start my own or be a partner at an existing private practice by this point in my career.

2)      Find a new activity- Realistically, Rugby probably won’t be the best thing for me at 37 years old. It’s Important to me to stay active, I’d like to be in good shape, eat healthy, and be a good role model for my future kids.

3)      Drive on a track- maybe it’s the Top Gear my younger brother Jake used to force me to watch (I liked it too to be clear), but I’d love to take a car out on a track and put it through its paces.

4)      Change someone’s life- One of the most important reasons I’m going to medical school is to make a difference in someone’s life. I’d like to be able to look back and say that I made even a small difference in the way a person lives their life.

5)      Love Kayleigh Forever- This one is going to be easy. I never want to stop loving her and never could, ‘cuz she’s perfect.

Things I’ve crossed off the Original Bucket List

                We’ve covered a pretty solid amount of things on our original list, as of summer 2013:

1)      Take a Vacation- We’ve actually been on three vacations, once to Maine last summer, on a cruise for spring break, and to Disney world after graduation

2)      Be Engaged- As of 2/16/13 J

3)      Go Parasailing- we went on our cruise in Nassau, Bahamas

4)      Men’s Basketball Game- We actually had season tickets this past year for UConn Men’s Basketball. Not only did we go to the games, Kayleigh even sung the National Anthem with her acapella group, The Chordials at the Georgetown game.

5)      Bachelor’s degrees- We both earned our bachelor’s from UConn this may!

6)      Cool Proposal- I got down on one knee! J Unfortunately, there was “Andre” after. She still said yes, but it was touch and go.

7)      Learn to cook- Together, Kayeigh and I are awesome at most things, but I wouldn’t say we were good cooks. I’d say we were amazing cooks. Example; for a date last month, we made Fillet Mignon in an Apothic Wine reduction sauce with Sautéed Asparagus and Zucchini. I would have paid thirty bucks for that meal. It was amazing.

8)      Disney World- we went together with her family after graduation. It was awesome. The best part by far was seeing how excited her 5 year old nephew got (it was still magical for him) and laughing at how jaded her 7 year old nephew was (he told us it was all fake).

9)      Make a Bucket List- Although this one didn’t make the final displayed list, I always include it in any Bucket list I make. It feels awesome to cross off a life goal immediately.