Train Thoughts

48 Days to Go

I spend a lot of time on trains. It means that I spend more than my fair share of time lost in a book or a TV show or just letting my mind wander. When I was in High school, and some of the time in college, I wasn’t especially happy. I was overcome with indecision. I was anxious. For the final year of college, when I should have been enjoying myself, all I could worry about was when the next email from a med school would come, which waiting lists I was on, what interviews I went to. I did almost everything with the secret hope it would somehow transform my application into a “must have.” Oh he went to a CONFERENCE? FIND THE PHONE AND ADMIT THAT MAN!

As the alternatives fell away, and I accepted going to St. George’s, I realized how much stress and pressure I had put myself under.

I don’t want to feel that way for a long time. I still have barriers and rules and necessities and pressure. I go to my internship four days a week, and haven’t found a regular paying job. I do get worried about money, about going to Greneda, about lots of things. But now, I do whatever will make me happy.

Spending time with friends makes me happy. Talking to Kayleigh on the Phone makes me happy (visiting her makes me happier). Going to the museum makes me happy. Watching hours of Netflix makes me happy.

I tell myself not to worry so much. I’ve been pretty lucky so far and everything has worked its way out. I’ve lived an interesting and rewarding life. I get up (almost) every day to do something I love. I got the girl. I spend a lot of time on trains. A lot of time spent smiling. The people around me probably think I’m crazy. Fuck ‘em.

I’m happy, and that’s more than good enough for now.